The Talk?
by Meekers
Summary: The Hokage decides its time for Iruka to give the children “The Talk”? What talk Hokage? Oh just you know “The cough sex talk... Oh god how will poor Iruka explain this will scaring their innocent little minds? And why is Kakashi attending the class? Ones


Summery:

The Hokage decides its time for Iruka to give the children "The Talk"? What talk Hokage? Oh just you know "The (cough) sex talk"... Oh god how will poor Iruka explain this will scaring their innocent little minds? And why is Kakashi attending the class? One-shot. Slight Oocness

Author's notes: This is my first fan Fic...or the first one I haven't been too embarrassed about to submit. Ok I admit my writing sucks and I did forget to take my medication the day I wrote this…well anyway some of the credit goes to my brother for ideas. Feel free to read and review. Constructive criticisms as well as compliments are encouraged. Heck If this goes well I might even write and submit a second Fan Fic xD

Disclaimers: Sadly I do NOT own any of these characters, not even Kakashi, Iruka, or the Frappuccino ;-; All the Characters are © to Masashi Kishimoto while the Frappuccino © to Starbucks. Im just a crazy Naruto and Frappuccino obsessed person thingy. Please hit me on the head with a crowbar.

**The Talk**

"Yes Hokage-same?" Iruka asked as he entered the room.

The Hokage who was gazing out the window turned to Iruka and said "I…I need to ask you something".

"What sir?"

The Hokage sighed shaking his head slightly and murmured "I…think it's about time you give the children…" but then stopped.

Give them what?" Iruka asked scratching the back of his head in a puzzled manner.

"Well…it's about time you give them…the Talk…"

Iruka looked even more confused then before. "What talk sir?"

The Hokage sighed again and then said trying to explain more clearly "You know…_the talk_"

Iruka still had a puzzled look on his face. Squinting, the Hokage sighed and tried again.

"You know the talk all Preteens get about…Hormones…and what that leads too…"

Iruka's expression turned from puzzlement to shock. "But Hokage-sama…don't you think they're a little young still?"

The Hokage shook his head. "There already ten and eleven and a lot of them will be graduating from the academy in a couple of years. Also a few of the females have already started to…you know…develop" the Hokage finished trying to hide the slight blush that came to his face. "I think it's about time they knew".

Iruka scratched the back of his head and sighed as well. He knew this would definitely not be easy. Finally he said "Ok should I do it tomorrow Sir?"

"Tomorrow will do" he replied looking up at Iruka as the blush left his face. "You may leave now".

Iruka left the building and turning left began to walk down the street towards his house. The sun had practically set and he was walking around in the light of the street lamps but he hardly noticed. In his mind he was mentally agonizing over the next day's task. "Oh crud! How on earth am I going to explain Hormones and how that works?" he mentally cursed. "And how…am I going to explain Sex? Oh god im doomed! What if they ask me to go into detail? How am I supposed to do that without scaring their innocent little minds! Oh no im gonna get fired and then I will have to move out of my apartment and set on the street corner pretending to be a crazy hobo to get handouts!". Even when he reached his apartment and had gotten ready for bed he couldn't stop thinking about it. As the clock struck twelve and he still hadn't managed to fall asleep he murmured to himself "Tomorrow is obviously going to be a long day…"

**The Next Day...**

"Where is Iruka Sensei?" a brown haired boy carrying a dog asked as he took his seat next to a boy who's head and hair resembled a pineapple.

The pineapple head boy who we shall call "Shikamaru" from now on sighed glancing over at the boy with the dog who we will call "Kiba", leaned back in his seat, and replied "I dunno but if he doesn't get here soon all of us will have to stay after class. That will be Troublesome".

Suddenly a very tired looking Iruka with messy unbrushed hair and dark circles under his eyes ran into the classroom. "Gomen. I don't mean to be late" he hastily said stacking his papers on his desk and turning to the board. "It's just that I had this bad dream that the Hokage asked me to give you the talk and I couldn't sleep and…" he continued but suddenly stopped.

"I don't think it was a dream" Inner Iruka said to himself sweat dropping.

"What talk?" a blonde hyperactive spiky haired boy asked going all wide eyed.

Iruka began to shake and then simply collapsed on the floor.

"Um Iruka sensei? Why did you just collapse on the floor?" the hyperactive boy who we will now call "Naruto" asked walking up to the teacher.

"Did Iruka sensei die?" A blond pony tailed girl who we shall call "Ino" asked.

"I dunno. Let's poke him" Kiba suggested.

"No I got a better idea" Naruto said with a grin and clapping his fingers together making a few hand signs he suddenly turned into a beautiful naked women. Leaning over Iruka-Sensei he whispered into his ear "Can I lay down next to you? Tehehe".

Iruka woke up, and seeing the naked Naruto girl, immediately had a nose bleed launching him through the roof off the school.

The other stared at Naruto as he turned back into himself, laughing.

Finally a pink haired girl with a large forehead who we will call "Sakura" said "That wasn't a very nice thing to do to Iruka-sensei Naruto".

Naruto replied through tears from laughing too hard "But it's funny!"

Suddenly an outraged Iruka stomped into the room, walks over to the laughing Naruto, bent over him, and screamed "WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING? YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND USING YOUR JUTSU LIKE THAT! IT'S INNAPROPRAIT!".

Naruto just laughed even harder as everyone sweat dropped. Finally through tears Naruto asked "So anyway what was that talk?"

Iruka stopped screaming and gulped realizing that he still had to give the children "The talk".

"Yes what is this talk?" a boy wearing a tan jacket and dark glasses who we will call "Shino" piped up.

"I hope it's a new Jutsu!" Naruto cried excitedly.

"Hmph…" a black haired boy who we will call "Sasuke" murmured, annoyed at the others enthusiasm.

Iruka scratched the back of his head trying to suppress the blush rising on his face. "Actually it's different from ninja stuff…"

A look of disappointment spread across Naruto's face.

"Well…um where should I start…" he murmured awkwardly

All the children leaned in wide eyed.

Iruka sweat dropped and said "Well you see…when two people really like each other a lot...like your Mommies and Daddies"

The children leaned in closer.

"…um well…they…uh…they…"

Suddenly a large pop was heard in the back of the room and a silver haired jounin appeared from a cloud of smoke. He was holding up an orange book in one hand and a Frappuccino in the other. He was wearing a black mask that covered up his face along with his jounin uniform and a headband hiding one of his eyes. "Yo" he said in greeting as he sat down next to Shikamaru and Kiba.

Iruka sensei stared at where the jounin had appeared, twitching, and then finally asked "Um Kakashi…what exactly are you doing here?"

The silver hair jounin, Kakashi, replied without glancing up from his book "Oh don't mind me. Im just here for the demonstration".

It seemed to take Iruka a few moments for the silver haired jounin's words to soak in but when they did his face turned white and he nearly fainted.

Kakashi just continued to read his book.

The class was silent for a few moments before Iruka's face turned red as he screamed "KAKASHI YOU PERVERT! THERES NO DEMONSTRATION! WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULD DEMONSTRATE WHAT IM ABOUT TO EXPLAIN! OF COURSE I WOULDN'T IT WOULD SCAR THEIR INNOCENT LITTLE MINDS! NOW GET OUT OF MY CLASS!"

Kakashi sighed and said calmly still reading his book "Well I thought that maybe they would need a little visual aid to help them understand".

"VISUAL AID? VISUAL AID? WHAT KIND OF PERVERT DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO EVEN THING OF USING "VISUAL AID" TO EXPLAIN YOU KNOW WHAT?"

"You know what? Whats that?" Sasuke scoffed.

Iruka turned a white color again and was about to faint.

Now lets pretend these children dont know about what Kakashi is about to explain.

Naruto was really curiouse now. "Come on Iruka tell us!"

"Yes please do go one" Kakashi murmured.

"Well uh…you see…um…when…two people…a man and women…" Iruka croaked.

The class all looked a bit confused.

"…Like each other…"

Shikamaru raised his hand and said "Why on earth would a man like a Women? There so troublesome".

Iruka sighed and tried again. "Well…when a man and women like each other…they…well"

"The-the-they… wha-what?" a shy girl with white eyes who we will call Hinata stuttered timidly twiddling her fingers.

Iruka sighed and deciding it would be better to get this over with as fast as possible blurted out. "Well…theysleepinbednakedtogether"

"Huh?" the class said not hearing what their sensei had said very clearly.

Well except for Hinata. Oddly enough she heard very clearly what Iruka had just said and had glanced over at Naruto, her face turning a very deep red as she fainted.

Kakashi raised his hand and asked "Could you please repeat that?"

Iruka stared at the class blankly and then turning to Kakashi yelled "KAKASHI I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE!"

Kakashi rolled his eyes, or at least the eye that was showing.

"Um…Iruka-sensei what did you say? I didn't hear." Ino asked timidly.

Iruka sighed, his face turning a scarlet red, and repeated more slowly this time "Well...um...They...err…get undressed…and...uh...sleep together…naked…in the...same…bed…"

Half the class looked confused while the other half of the class looked horrified, mostly the male population. Even Sasuke's usual frown had turned into and expression of shock.

Naruto raised his hand and slowly asked "Why would they do that?"

Iruka sighed scratching the back of his head and said "Er…many reasons…"

Kakashi raised his hand and asked "Sensei…what if a man and a man like each other? Do they do it too?

"KAKASHI I TOLD YOU TO…"

"Just answer the question" Kakashi interrupted.

"Well I guess they could..."

Suddenly Sakura raised her hand and blushing slightly asked "Have you ever done it?"

Iruka blushed a deep red as well and replied "Well…um…once…me and Anko…"

"So…all our Mommies and Daddies do this?" suddenly a voice from the back of the room interrupted. Glancing to the back of the room everyone was shocked to hear the question coming from a very flustered Sasuke who was covering a good part of his blushing face with his hair.

Iruka sweat dropped again although mentally thanking Sasuke for interrupting and replied "Yes"

"But why?" Kiba asked.

"Well..."

"Yeah why?" Naruto asked.

"Um…" he murmured and then with a sigh went into an as non-graphic as possible explanation as possible. Let's just say he told the children they "Hugged".

After he was finished. Everyone took a moment to absorb this information.

"Wait a minute…I thought babies came from tree's..." Choji blurted out.

The room fell silent again.

Finally Sakura spoke up. "So…if I were to 'Hug' with anyone in this room…"

Iruka shook his head and squeaked "Well...it only works if the genders of the two people are different".

"Aww…so me and Shino cant make babies?" Kiba asked, as a look of disappointment spread across his face.

"No…why?"

"We were planning to go to his house after school and…"

"NO!" Iruka screamed "I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOU TO DO ANYTHING IN TODAYS LESSON! …Well at least until your older"

"Dambit" Kakashi sighed "You always have to ruin the fun…"

"KAKASHI YOU PERVERT! FOR THE LAST TIME GET OUT OF MY CLASS!"

"Huhwhathappened?" Naruto suddenly cried lifting his head off the desk. He had fallen asleep just after the beginning explanation.

"Well The teacher started to explain that when a man and women get into a bed naked together and the women…" Sakura began.

"GAH SAKURA NOT NOW" Iruka cried quickly covering her mouth with his hand.

Kakashi sighed and muttered "She was just getting to the good part too…"

"Seriously though what happened?" Naruto asked.

Iruka wasn't ready to explain everything again so quickly without thinking he began "Well I explained how…well you see…um…well… when two people um want a baby they err...get in bed and...Write a letter to the Hokage!" He finished blurting out the last part.

"Huh?" Naruto said

"But I thought you said…" Choji began

"Well what I said was wrong!" Iruka interrupted silencing the chubby red head.

"Wait so they write a letter?" Naruto asked confused

"Yeah...and...Well anyway they send a letter to the Hokage who grows baby tree's in his attic".

"Hey I thought you said babies didn't come from trees" Choji began again but Iruka slapped his hand over Choji's mouth before he could say any more.

"Oooohh…" Naruto said "That makes perfect sense". Everyone looked over at the ignorant boy sweat dropping.

"So anyway…um…he then picked the biggest ripest baby on the tree and sends it to the couple through the mail". He finished.

"So that's how it works?" Naruto asked

Um...yeah" Iruka said grinning nervously from his own false hope that Naruto would buy it.

Naruto eyed Iruka suspiciously. "Hmmm" he muttered leaning against the table on his elbow. Everyone waited for Naruto to say something else. Finally his face seemed to light up and with a grin he cried out "Oh…THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE! So that's what this whole talk was about?"

Everyone sweat dropped once again as Iruka replied "Yeah…"

And that children is the story of how Iruka gave his class "The Talk". Yes they are all idiots, especially Naruto.

Authors notes: Yeah I know my writing sucks. I always think of all these good idea's but then I try to get them onto paper and the go bleaugh. I might rewrite this I might not. I dunno at this point. Any like I mentioned before please review. I like feedback a lot. n.n


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